Pineapple Upside Down Cake
One of us isn’t wearing any underwear.
My girlfriend/lover Karen is the girliest, loveliest person to get to eat cheesecake with.
We’ve been talking about going to the movies for a while now, mostly so we can get red Icees and popcorn. I got us tickets to see Mafia Mamma starring Toni Collette and I snuck in a trip to The Factory since we needed to eat and it’s right next door. Karen dressed up in a sexy silky top and heels, even though she is on crutches. She didn’t fall once! She’s the best. And she had a really good idea to order the BBQ Ranch Chicken salad and split it. I’m not reviewing salads here and if you’re only interested in the cheesecake, you can skip this part……..
The salad was really good, 5 out of 5.
Okay, you can come back.
We sat at the bar and kissed and our server was really sweet to us, we wondered if she might be family. I tend to think that whenever we’re being gay in public and someone is nice towards us. One time we went to a pizza parlor and we were holding each other by the hips as we walked in the door and the whole parlor stopped and looked at us, some guys even came out of the back, kind of all at once. It was cool. We love that shit.
Karen was naming off a lot of flavors and I was saying “yeah, that sounds good” to all of them and I reminded her that I’m gonna be eating every one of these this year so I try to stay out of the decision making process completely. But she’s a good girlfriend like that, she wants to include me. So she narrowed it down to Pineapple Upside Down Cake and Banana Creme and I said something really cool and flirty like “you’re more unique than Banana Creme” which is not staying out of the process, I know. I couldn’t resist flirting in a cheesecake way though.
We talked about me not loving whipped cream and she told me she’d make me some real whipped cream, not the Co2 shit they serve at TCF. She already made me a chocolate cake for Valentine’s Day. It had a layer of chocolate ganache and peanut butter in the middle, made with so much love and cathexis.
She’s the damn best, right?? So she’s getting me all horned up talking about the whipped cream she’s gonna make me and our slice comes out and we take some photos and they all turn out very pink because we’re indoors and at the bar. In some of them she’s kissing my cheek which she says is her favorite pose. We are very gay.
As soon as I bite into this slice, I’m thinking uh oh we got a rival for the number one spot here. I better pay close attention and try not to get distracted by my girlfriend’s charms. A real challenge. I had to look up the description of this online because I couldn’t see very well what I was eating. It’s a layer of pineapple cheesecake sandwiched between two layers of buttery pineapple upside down cake. And a thin layer on top of pineapple jammy-ness, my favorite part. Come to think of it, I don’t know if any cherries were involved. I was so mesmerized by the flavor and by Karen, I was in full Sensuality Mode. Were there cherries in or on it? Who’s to say. Not this reviewer.
One detail is that the last and maybe only time I ever made a Pineapple Upside Down Cake was for my friend Danielle’s 30th birthday. Shout out Danielle. The theme was Old Hollywood but I don’t remember why I chose a Pineapple Upside Down Cake. I think maybe she just likes them.
Damn it was good. The only drawback for me was these little baby chunks of pineapple. I didn’t need them in there. And unfortunately, I think those baby chunks are what’s going to keep this flavor at number two. But Karen, baby, you’re still my number one.
And speaking of Karen, she’s pretty amazing. She’s decisive but not impulsive. She wants a big, full, intentional life. She’s really smart about emotions and she cries easily. I call her my indoor girlfriend because she likes to be indoors. She said something once about the outdoors that she could just look at a picture of it and that’s fine lol. But she is willing to go camping with me even though it isn’t her thing. She wants me to be happy. She suggested we shower together because I told her once I like slippery, slide-y sensations and it was both cool and hot. Also we never ended up seeing Mafia Mamma because we were so into each other at TCF that we missed the call from the dog walker trying to get in the building and we had to go home and take care of the dogs.
Pineapple Upside Down Cake: 4.5 out of 5
Mango Key Lime
Pineapple Upside Down Cake
The Original
Very Cherry Ghirardelli Chocolate
Tiramisu
Salted Caramel
Beth and I went camping this weekend and came up with a really fun idea for her to try to pick the worst cheesecake flavors since she picked Salted Caramel. To try to outdo herself. I love how everyone I love is participating in this with me. I have really good friends. My friend Fox submitted this to TCF on Instagram and sent it to their press room??
I am off to eat dinner with Karen, watch the new Succession, and most likely get my hair braided by her. It’s one of our rituals because her kink is doing my hair.