Dulce De Leche Caramel
Two sissies, two forks, one cheesecake, zero cups.
I’ve been waiting for this moment all year.
Finally, somebody chose the Dulce De Leche Caramel. I’ve been very quiet about it, trying really hard to keep it under wraps, but this is the first flavor of TCF cheesecake I ever had and it’s the flavor I always ordered when I went before this whole crazy year started. And somehow it has been overlooked until now, with five cheesecakes left.
Of course I’m thrilled that it’s my gorgeous, very funny, very capable sister Lenox who went for it. Of course I am.
This flavor reminds me of when I first moved to Los Angeles 14 or maybe 15 years ago. These twins I used to know worked at the TCF in Sherman Oaks. And I went to visit them once and got this slice and then went to a Barnes & Noble and tried to read as much of Steven King’s The Stand as I could before I had to leave. I fell in love with the Dulce De Leche Caramel that day. Think about this. If I had chosen Salted Caramel instead?? I would be telling my The Joker origin story right now. I haven’t seen The Joker but I imagine I would have turned into a chaotic and evil version of myself. Honestly I probably wouldn’t be friends with any of you nice people. Okay I just read The Joker Wikipedia page and the comparison totally works. The Salted Caramel would have made me violent. I would have purchased a gun. It would have put me in a psych hospital for sure.
Fortunately that’s not what happened and I haven’t shot anyone. And fortunately for me and for Lenox this flavor? IT HOLDS UP.
Lenox really wanted to redeem herself after Tiramisu. Which, I get. BUT the weird thing is that I liked the Tiramisu flavor, even though it’s ranked at #27. It’s the last good one and everything underneath it on the list is inedible. And I actually gave Tiramisu 4 out of 5. This is just proof that the ranking makes little sense, I am bonkers, and nothing means anything.
Lenox compared it to flan. She’s right. She said all the flavors are there but it still tastes like cheesecake. Right again. I didn’t remember that it came with almond brickle on top but I fucking loved that part. I loved all the parts. I was so worried because so far I have hated all the caramel flavors. So worried. Like, really really sick to my stomach about it. Thank goddess I was wrong. I didn’t need to fret. 27-year-old me was correct. At least about this one thing. And yeah I KNOW the math doesn’t check out. The truth is I have no idea when I moved to LA, okay? And there’s no way to really know or find out.
Dulce De Leche Caramel: 4.5 out of 5
Lemon Meringue
Mango Key Lime
Dulce De Leche Caramel
Lemon Raspberry Cream
Pineapple Upside Down Cake
Key Lime
White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle
The Original
30th Anniversary Chocolate Cake
Adam’s Peanut Butter Cup Fudge Ripple
Classic Basque
Low-Licious with Strawberries
Chocolate Mousse
Chocolate Tuxedo Cream
Chocolate Caramelicious Made With Snickers
Cinnabon Cinnamon Swirl
Very Cherry Ghirardelli Chocolate
Fresh Banana Cream
Godiva Chocolate
Ultimate Red Velvet Cake
Fresh Strawberry
Vanilla Bean
Pumpkin Pecan
Cookie Dough Lover’s with Pecans
Reese’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake
Toasted Marshmallow S’Mores Galore
Tiramisu
Caramel Pecan Turtle
Celebration
Salted Caramel
Now the other thing about Lenox is that she’s full of good ideas. She had the idea to do a Redemption Tour of the bottom 5 flavors. She had the idea that we should get tattoos of a spill because we both like pictures of things that got spilled. She had the idea to ask me to officiate her wedding. She also said “it don’t mean a thang if it ain’t got that tang” in a conversation about cheesecake tang and that gave ME the idea to make some new merch. We also both agreed that the merch I make sucks and nobody wants to buy it but that’s OKAY. It’s really okay with me. I blame Zazzle.
Another fun thing Lenox and I collabed on once is this:
God is my wifi signal, Jesus is my router, and the Devil is my internet service provider.
I want to keep this here for posterity because once every few months Lenox texts me and asks me about it because she can’t remember it exactly.
Also we love this Vine of this girl having fun at the bank, especially the way she holds out her little arms in like |———| this kind of shape. Eh, it doesn’t really look like that but it’s the best I can do to describe the shape. See for yourself.
And if you’re still reading this and you didn’t get an invite to my cheesecake party, let me know! You’re invited.