Fresh Banana Cream & Reese’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake
They look sweet and normal but they’re actually cheesecake haters.
Never before have I had to practically beg anyone to eat cheesecake with me.
Okay, that’s not fair or totally accurate but it is attention-grabbing.
Tiffany and Julie are therapy friends. Tiffany hosts us at her place about once a month for friendship, Thai food, and dessert. Usually gluten free and vegan dessert because they are both vegan and gluten free although Julie told me she isn’t gluten free anymore and Tiffany can sometimes take a pill and tolerate gluten. They don’t read the blog AND THAT’S OKAY so they didn’t understand the ordering process. To be fair, I forced it on them. I told them I would bring cheesecake to the monthly dinner even though they both told me they do not like cheesecake. They said they would still be willing to try so I did not have to beg.
Right away Tiffany chose the Godiva Chocolate and said she would just take the pill even though It isn’t gluten free and I laughed and I laughed and I said “Tiffany, my dear, the Godiva Chocolate IS gluten free!”. Nobody knows more about cheesecake than I do, it’s tragic. It’s like when I got really into SCRABBLE after college (yes, it’s in all caps, that’s official) and became better at it than everyone I knew and ruined home games for myself. I could really only be satisfied playing at club or in tournaments. It’s also like when you masturbate with The Magic Wand for too long. Kind of. Eh it’s really more like the SCRABBLE thing.
I asked them to each choose a slice for me to review, in addition to the Godiva Chocolate. Tiffany went with Fresh Banana Cream. Julie waited a couple of days and then sent me five links to different cheesecakes, including the Godiva Chocolate. She told me to choose and I kindly informed her of the rules (it’s really okay that some people don’t read my blog and don’t know the rules, really it is). She went with Reese’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake. I said “what am I, friends with a couple of MONKEYS??” They both “haha”ed my text and I felt extremely satisfied.
Since we’re talking about monkeys, my favorite Ben & Jerry’s pint in college was Chunky Monkey. I’m always going to be honest about who I am and where I came from. That’s the My Cheesecake Year guarantee.
I placed an order for pickup and finally redeemed my free slice for joining the Rewards program. I wish TCF had an app, I had to do it on my browser like an idiot. Oh and my birthday slice expires July 15th and they’re only selling the Basque cheesecake until July 31 HINT HINT.
I grilled T&J about why they hate cheesecake so much. Julie said she has never liked cheese, even as a kid. She’s extremely skeptical of cream cheese and is only recently “getting into burrata”. Tiffany said she doesn’t like cake. Period. I really had my work cut out for me. Could I turn two cheesecake deniers into two cheesecake believers? Am I that powerful? Is The Cheesecake Factory??
I described my blog to T&J as a ‘love letter to my friends’. And The Cheesecake Factory is one of the characters. But for real, I legit treasure my friendships. To me? My friends are like family.
Even though they don’t give a shit about cheesecake, I do have love for them both. Julie has a sweet and tender heart and can be a real goofball when she’s stoned. She took me to an actual party in February 2020. It was one of the last things I did out in the world. We met Beck that night because his friend wanted to meet Julie so they were kind of following us around for a bit. Beck is a short king and kind of an awkward one too. Julie likes when I say ‘short king’. She has helped me through a lot of relationship woes. I remember being on the phone with her during one of my lunch breaks when I worked at Teleflora. I don’t remember what she said but I remember how she made me feel. She’s very insightful. She can be really gentle even though she’s also from New York. She hosts cool dance parties. Too cool for me, the one time I went to one I had to leave. She let me cat sit for her cat Lou Reed once and I got to live in her house and I felt closer to her after that. Ants invaded her kitchen while I was in charge and I had to kill them all. She is always willing to talk. Julie loves to talk and read and learn. And she’s so supportive of her friends. She will tell me all the time that she thinks I’m a brilliant therapist. She’s a love.
Tiffany was the first person in my life to respond to COVID. She was buying face shields in February. I never told her this but I really appreciate her level of eye contact. She’s very engaged and engaging. She is such a warm person to be around. She makes me feel warm and at home. If you name a famous lesbian to her, chances are that she knows them somehow or at least has a story about them. We bonded initially because we both were in age gap relationships and caretaking our partners during serious illness. She’s a dog lover and she had one of my favorite dogs ever, a teeny Yorkie named Sophia. An angel on this earth. Both of them. She always serves Cann drinks when we come over. She also lays out a blanket on her couch for Scoop and gives him a bone. I felt bad the one time I forgot to bring Scoop to dinner because Tiffany loves him so much, and he loves her, and she had prepared the blanket and he wasn’t there and it felt awful. Actually, that happened this time, not “one time”. Her couch is the most comfortable one I ever sat on. She is so deserving of a couch like that. She also has the wildest stories and Julie and I are always telling her she needs to write a book about her life.
Back to the cheesecake. I had already tried the Godiva Chocolate with Jorie but I had a couple bites anyway. I still feel the same. The Fresh Banana Cream tasted, on first bite, like banana cream pie. I wasn’t getting any cheesecake flavor. But at least it tasted like good banana cream pie. The Reese’s one was insane. This shit has peanut butter cups in the cheesecake and also layers of chocolate cake AND ALSO the back has chunked up pb cups on it. Julie said it was “pretty incredible” and that maybe, just maybe, she was turning around on cheesecake. This is a good gateway cheesecake to try because it tastes like a bunch of other stuff. Or maybe that makes it a bad gateway cheesecake to try, I don’t know. Tiffany feels the same way she did before I’m pretty sure. Was this a success? Are they cheesecake converts? Only time will tell. I’m going to be conducting follow up interviews every time I see them from now on.
Tiffany got these peonies from Trader Joe’s. She has a beautiful home, I forgot to mention. She’s really stylish and good at design. She works at a Selling Sunset type place except fancier than The Oppenheimer Group.
I brought home all the leftovers and shared the Fresh Banana Cream with Karen. She thought it was “okay”. Me too. I left the dregs on the table and her dog Punky, a counter surfer, got it down and ate it. I came out of the bedroom and found the box on the floor. He gives it ten tail wags (his rating system). When I tried the leftovers, I liked it a lot better because I could actually taste the cheesecake. I still feel the same about chocolate cheesecakes though: eh. The Godiva is probably my favorite of the chocolates. Good news for gluten free bbs!
Fresh Banana Cream: 3 out of 5
Reese’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake: 2.75 out of 5
Lemon Meringue
Mango Key Lime
Pineapple Upside Down Cake
White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle
The Original
Cinnabon Cinnamon Swirl
Very Cherry Ghirardelli Chocolate
Fresh Banana Cream
Godiva Chocolate
Reese’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake
Toasted Marshmallow S’Mores Galore
Tiramisu
Celebration
Salted Caramel
I also decided that I want a cheesecake tattoo. I think that at the end of the year, whichever cheesecake is in the number one spot, that’s the one I’ll get tattooed. I think I love that idea.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Julie and Tiffany are not vegan. They both have digestive issues which is why they are gluten-free. Julie loves bacon, burgers, steak and chicken. She has colitis and was on a strict diet for a while but recently healed. Tiffany also eats chicken. In fact, Tiffany ate chicken during this same dinner, in front of me.
Also, Julie remembers it differently than I do that Beck wanted to meet her, not Beck’s friend. She would have gone out with Beck’s friend because he was hot. I remember thinking “am I going to get stuck talking to Beck now?” which is why I remember it differently.
Memory is a funny thing. My memory is hilarious and always playing jokes on me. I apologize for the confusion and misunderstanding that I caused in this post.